


short of a pornstar, but...

by bloopee



Category: Block B
Genre: Crack, Humor, Implied Smut, M/M, kyung being a little shit, taeil wants to die
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-29
Updated: 2016-12-29
Packaged: 2018-09-13 05:36:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9108742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloopee/pseuds/bloopee
Summary: "Would it be fucked up if I leaked Jiho's sex tape?" Kyung asks, casually walking into the room. Nothing else about the situation is casual at all.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Born from the headcanon that Kyung would leak Zico's sex tape if he had one.

They're all here - the Block B team minus Zico - in Taeil's apartment, as they have recordings for their new album and Taeil lives the closest to the studio.

 

At least a couple of them are planning on staying here for the couple of days of work, and as much as Taeil hates the idea of living with these guys again, with these awful men, these man-children, he really didn't have a good enough reason to say no.

 

The only rule is that they clean after themselves and if something breaks - they're the ones paying for it.

 

 

 

"Would it be fucked up if I leaked Jiho's sex tape?" Kyung asks, casually walking into the room.

 

He's the last to come, as Jiho said he's not even planning on coming. He'll sleep in the studio if he has to, but not here, he said.

 

And it would be a lie that Taeil didn't want to at least try asking Jiho to let him join.

 

Anywhere but here would be good, but Taeil really doesn't want to leave his apartment in the hands of his bandmates.

 

He guesses something along the lines of 'Home Alone' would go down.

 

Nobody answers Kyung, everyone has learned to masterfully ignore anything he says.

 

So he repeats his question. "Would it be though? To leak Jiho's sex tape?"

 

Taeil guesses it's not a rhetorical question and that scares him a little. That scares anyone who hears it.

 

"Depends on if it's legit." One of them says.

 

" _Very_ legit." Kyung assures.

 

"No..." Jihoon raises his eyes from his phone first. He asks in disbelief, not an answer to the question. 

 

He's the first to look at the USB Kyung is holding like it were a national treasure.

 

Kyung proudly displays the item, making ridiculious poses like he were in a photoshoot.

 

"No way it's that." Yukwon dissmises in a whisper, because he's smart and Jiho isn't stupid either, not stupid enough to keep something like that around.

 

He's reminded that Kyung isn't stupid either as he smirks at a gaping Minhyuk.

 

He's actually - by very legit test results - smarter than any one of them are.

 

And Taeil really thinks Kyung should find better ways to use his brilliance.

 

Like find the cure for cancer, and not his best friends sex tape that could ruin said friend's career.

 

"Get your laptop." Kyung orders no one in particular and Jaehyo's the first to stand and rush out the door, hitting his knee against the doorframe on his way out.

 

Taeil shakes his head. Jaehyo's way too eager.

 

But looking at all the other faces in the room - Jaehyo isn't alone in that.

 

"Kyung, it's not really..." Taeil looks hopeful, dumbly so, because no way in hell is that thing legit.

 

He prays in his mind that it isn't.

 

"Hyung..." Taeil can't imagine Kyung's eyebrows rising any higher than they have now.

 

Taeil wants to pray outwardly now, because clearly inwardly wasn't enough.

 

"I'm calling Jiho." Taeil quickly declares and Jiho's personal cell number is being dialed in seconds. 

 

He can't have this.

 

"Wait," Minhyuk says and grips onto Taeil's wrist from his spot on the ground by Taeil's feet. "Don't call him."

 

"I'm not about to invade someone's private sex life and you're not about to either." He shakes Minhyuk off. 

 

Taeil types in the last digit and taps 'call'.

 

"Wait."

 

Taeil hear's Jiho's annoyed 'Yes?' over the line but his phone is aggressively ripped out of his grasp and given to a panicked Jihoon who throws a 'Hi' and cuts the call.

 

"Can you really call it private if it's taped? I mean, he wouldn't tape it if it wasn't meant to be seen." Kyung points out.

 

And Taeil has little trouble arguing against that because the logic is way flawed, but Minhyuk is faster.

 

"Well what if it isn't legit," He says, though his eyes clearly show he's hoping for the opposite. "We have to see it to know. We can't go bothering Jiho about this."

 

"Kyung said it was legit," Taeil says with zero emotion behind his voice, his face, his anything. He wants to die.

 

He's good like that, his cool tattoos also makes it look like he's not afraid of anything, though this is the only fear he's never knew he's had.

 

"But we don't know that," Minhyuk argues.

 

"And I really rather wouldn't."

 

Frustration is the feeling he's trying to surpass now.

 

"Can you really trust anything Kyung says? He's full of bullshit." Minhyuk reminds, and he's right.

 

"I'm right here." Kyung lightly kicks at Minhyuk's arm.

 

"Really, hyung, think about it." And Taeil is having none of it.

 

Absolutely none.

 

"No."

 

He looks at the USB in Kyung's sweaty grip, and how warm it probably is by now and all wet, and sweaty.

 

And ew.

 

"Hyung." Yukwon decides to speak and everyone listens. Everyone listens because his voice sounds like sand paper rubbing against itself.

 

His voice has been gone for a couple of days, he's taking medicine and going to the doctor's like the good kid that he is.

 

Quite frankly Taeil doesn't even know why Yukwon is even here, because Jiho told him he'll record his parts when he's in better condition.

 

Taeil just doesn't have the heart to throw him out.

 

"We really don't know if it's legit, and if you call and say _'Hey, Kyung here has your sex tape and they're about to watch it'_ we're all dead."

 

And he's right. But it's really non of Taeil's business.

 

"Yeah, you. Not me. I'm taking absolutely no part in this."

 

"I'll tell him you found it." Kyung threatens. Childishy so.

 

"It's your word against mine and really... Jiho is smarter than that." Taeil smiles and he's right. Everyone knows that he is.

 

"No, we're all telling him it's you who found it and shared it." Kyung is smart like that.

 

And it's really inconvenient that he is.

 

And now Taeil is in deep bullshit. 

 

"Are you blackmailing me?" Taeil asks, ready to curse a particular someone out.

 

"Is it not working?" Kyung smirks making Taeil's job at cursing him out much easier. 

 

Somehwere inbetween Jaehyo had come back with his laptop in tow and now he's waiting by the dining table with it open and ready.

 

Kyung is about to put the USB in when Jaehyo stops his hand, looking at it suspiciously.

 

"There's no virus, is there?.." And really, if Taeil didn't stop them, a measly virus in a stupid USB key won't either.

 

"None. Checked and checked." Kyung makes an O.K sign with his fingers and the USB is pushed in.

 

 

 

"Not watching it." Taeil declares half a minute into the video. "Not doing it. No way." 

 

He throws his arms up and flails them like they do in cartoons. 

 

"I can't believe you," Taeil says walking to the door and putting on his shoes. "I cannot, _can not_ believe that you made me watch that."

 

The video's bad quality, is grainy, and it's shot in near darkness, from a taller angle, like it were a security camera at the corner of Jiho's bedroom.

 

"What's up?" Jihoon asks watching the dim screen intently. Kyung watches the exchange quietly.

 

"Kyung, let's step outside for a bit. I want to bury you," Taeil says and Kyung does nothing but laugh out loud. 

 

Really there's nothing more he can do.

 

"You have a little over ten minutes. I'm calling Jiho now and ten minutes is what he needs to run here from the studio if he runs really fast." He slips into his coat. "And he will."

 

"Don't you dare drag me into it." Taeil threatens as he exits his casa and Kyung nods, agreeing. 

 

Compromises, compromises.

 

"Is it just doggy style all throughout?" Jihoon asks, bored after a minute.

 

"Dunno, haven't watched it all." Kyung shrugs and continues watching. He squints. "But doesn't the girl look pretty hot?"

 

"I don't know, can't see her face." Minhyuk comments, tilting his head to the side for better result.

 

"But the body seems fine. She seems tall. Slim, too." Jaehyo nods to himself. "Her hair is short. She seems fine." He adds with well timed thumbs up.

 

"Quiet. It's so quiet!" Jihoon groans when he notices all the sound is just the pair breathing and rare moans throughout.

 

"Are they necrophiles?" Yukwon asks, unironic, earning a snort each from the other guys.

 

"Lock the door before Jiho gets here." Kyung instructs and when he sees all of them immersed in the video he decides that he should.

 

"Wait," Minhyuk says, stilling Kyung. "Oh, he's letting her on top?" 

 

"Hot Jiho, get it, baby." Jihoon whistles.

 

The girl is lifted on top, her back against Zico's chest as he's holding her legs up by the back of her knees. Her head is beside Jiho's so they don't hesitate to make out in that position.

 

"Wait, is that?" Jaehyo squints at the screen. "Does she have a dick? Wait, that's a dick. Am I seeing right?"

 

"No..." Minhyuk squints at the grainy video as well and gasps scandalously. "That's a dude!"

 

"Jiho's fucking anything that has a hole, old news." Yukwon waves his hand, uninterested. 

 

It always impressed Kyung how chill Yukwon could sometimes be. 

 

The man in the video, the smaller one, turns at the camera and shamelessly smiles straight at it. You can even hear his little smug puff of air as he does this.

 

And next second Kyung, both in screen and in front of it, is moaning like he's being fucked into another reality.

 

"You son of a bitch!" Minhyuk screams, ready to rip Kyung's black hair out.

 

Jaehyo shuts the computer at olympic speeds.

 

If they had an olympic thing for shutting computers.

 

If not, Kyung proclaims Jaehyo as gold medalist.

 

Jihoon just stares, his look blank, his mouth drawn in a cute little 'O'. 

 

Yukwon soundlessly laughs, and after a minute of Minhyuk and Jaehyo trying to smack some sense into Kyung his laugh draws out into an uncontrolable giggle.

 

"Look, Yukwonnie liked it!" Kyung says through his teary, smiley eyes and a champion shit-eating grin splitting his face.

 

Yukwon just waves his hands defensively at the trio and takes Jihoon to lead them both to the couch where they peacefully get on their phones and Jihoon occasionally pokes Yukwon to tell him something or show a weird video he's found online.

 

 

 

It's amazing that when Jiho finally runs into the apartment, magically keeping the door in it's place, hot and panting, everyone says that Taeil showed them the video.

 

Kyung silently, unnoticeably high-fives Jiho.


End file.
